This isn't life in the FAST LANE, its life in the ONCOMING TRAFFIC!

As we all know (well close friends and family) that we have been through alot of stress and trials this past year. We have two custody cases as well as everyday life that tries to get us down.

There are a couple of things that have happened that have really bothered me. I try the whole "kill them with kindness" and "be like a duck and just let it roll off". But sometimes enough is just enough!

The fact that Eric and I are going above and beyond and doing EVERYTHING that we have been asked to do...especially for the people that don't deserve it...and what do we get? We get attitude, snotty comments, and dirty looks!!! Have they not heard..."don't bite that hand that feeds you"???

AMEN!!!

My Dad made a comment while talking about all of this that cracked me up...

"I think ya'll are doing the right thing. As the old saying goes, what comes around goes around. I just wish it would hurry up and come around, lol."

We can be just as ugly to them and make everything just as hard! But no...we are trying our HARDEST to be civil and to handle everything as GROWN adults! Why don't we get the same courtesy? There are two sides to every story and sometimes...well all the time...the "other end" aren't open minded to the fact that THEY are the ones that put themselves in this position and we are the ones that are trying to clean it up and "fix it".

From my Facebook...

"I hate waking up in the middle of the night thinking about stuff that honestly bugged me the day before and tried to act like it didn't"

My Dad commented:

"I know how you feel! I think you have just explained my life. I saw a post yesterday about worrying. It said, worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but gets you no where."

And then my cousin Aundrea so lovely said:

"I battle with things on a daily basis. What I have learned is that we need to make a commitment not to let fear and worry take control over us. When you wake up like that do what John in the Bible advises us to do call out to Christ and say, I am a child of God. The evil one cannot touch me. He will instantly help you and keep those thoughts from bothering you!! Love you dear! All will work out."

We can only continue to pray and continue to be adults and civil about this all, even though it is so hard and exhausting! As a family we will stick together and continue to turn to God for strength!

Another thing that has been bothering me...or worrying me is Hudson and his development and his birth defect. Eric and I saw two young babies already walking...and walking pretty well. We knew that when we met with the Neurologist and he told us that he may have some developmental struggles and walking was one of the possible trials that Hudson would have to overcome. Its hard as a parent because you want the best for you children! We know that everything will be okay...it's just the what ifs. We also know that once Hudson gets his contacts it could also help him! He sure is a blessing!!!

So Much Has Happened...Now Let's Catch Up!

Hudson-
     We had a mediation for Hudson on March 2, 2011 and it lasted from 9 a.m. to around 1:30p.m. It was alot of head ache!!! I wish I could change a couple of things...but wouldn't we all! I guess I'm just really ready for all of this to be done and over with. I have a feeling, like many others, that I have a good idea how the future will pan out with Hudson!
     We had a meeting with a company called AVEC to set up visitations. I was really nervous about how the whole operation worked. Hudson is a baby and his safety and well-being is my number one priority and it always will be. AVEC would have worked out perfectly if Hudson was a little older. We have started visits at our house, and yes my chest is tight and my nerves go crazy the whole time! But I would rather see with my own eyes that Hudson is okay!
     We have, since then, went back to mediation to further figure out visitation since there were some "to-do's" to be done before we went any further. This mediation was on May 17, and it didn't go so well. We couldn't come to a agreement so we went to court on May 31. The judge ruled that there was still work that needed to be done before visitation was completely released to the "standard" visitation. We will have court again in November to see how things are going and what we can do next. Its all a big head ache but every thing will work out. Like I've said before, we all have a pretty good feeling what is going to happen as time goes on!
     On March 22, 2011 Hudson had eye surgery, more like an eye exam but they put him to sleep, at Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas to check for congenital glaucoma. He did not have congenital glaucoma which was a huge praise! We went back to his regular eye doctor and they prescribed Hudson with some glasses! And yes, little man looks good!!!
     As time goes on, we are continuing to bend over backwards to do all that the court has asked us to with the lack of the same respect on the other end. But God gives us strength everyday to continue and He gives us hope that this will all work out in the end!
     Hudson is growing so much! We are amazed at the new things he does everyday! He is crawling like a pro and pulls up and walks around edges. Walking may be a difficult task for him to overcome because of his condition. But I know that with time he will be running around this house and getting into more stuff! He is continuing to add new foods to his "big boy diet" and starting to use a sippy cup! Hudson will celebrate is one year old birthday next month! Time sure flies!

Cheyenne-
     We had court for Cheyenne on May 24. Nothing really happened because there was not enough time in the schedule to hear all of the testimony so a trial was rescheduled for June 21. But the positive was that they changed the goal from "reunification" to "permanent placement with the fathers". This means that DHS is no longer working towards the "mother" having the children returned to her home and that they are recommending that in the best interest and well being of the children they should be permanently placed with the fathers.
     A mediation meeting has been scheduled for June 16. We are unaware of what or how things will work out. And they may not. But I know that we have ALOT of people in our corner!
     We have recently had to take Cheyenne to the E.R. because of a 105.3 fever. She had no other signs or symptoms...just a high fever. We did all the "at home" treatments before her fever spiked and we rushed her to the E.R. We were there for her by her side and our prayers were answered because she had such a peace about her. Its like God was holding her with us telling her that everything was going to be okay. Through many tests and exams the doctor had found that she had a bad UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) caused by a abnormally small Urethra. We are scheduled to have a check-up with her regular doctor and we will be sent to a Urologist to see if any further treatments need to be done for the abnormality. We appreciate every ones prayers and concerns while we were going through this very scary time! We were very blessed with some amazing nurses and a outstanding doctor that gave her wonderful attention and care. She is doing much better and hope to have a positive update soon.
     We are proud to announce that we are working on potty training. She enjoys "going potty" and she is doing wonderfully on working on trying to go BEFORE she goes in her pull-up. One day at a time and I am sure we are getting closer and closer to no accidents! ;)

Eric and I-
     We are staying strong as we go through all the ups and downs of life. Being newly married and dealing with as much as we have in our first year of marriage is sometimes unbelievable. But we still are so in love and we know that we couldn't make it through without each other! I am so blessed to have his love and to wake up with him by my side each day. We will be celebrating our one year anniversary next month! I look forward to having many many more years and I look forward to seeing how God works in our lives and how he will continue to bless us and grow our love!!!

Love Turns the Whole Thing Around!!!

My heart is very heavy tonight.
Some may read this and pass on ugly judgements, and honestly that is okay, because you are the ones that are causing this great up rising in strength and love in my family!!!

I have made some bad decisions in my life, but with those bad decisions comes so much good. I have a beautiful baby boy, who lights up the whole room and loves me unconditionally with no limit! Yes, I am paying for the bad decision of "fatherhood" that came with it but I am dealing with it. But thanks to all of this, my family is closer than it has ever been. One innocent life came into this world and blessed me, my husband, my parents and my whole family!

On top of this little blessing, through some sad and horrible circumstances, my husband and I gained temporary custody of his beautiful daughter, Cheyenne. She loves me as if I was her own, and I never knew a love so great until you gain a heart that is so innocent and undeserved! Cheyenne is mine and I am hers! I don't deserve her love but she has opened her heart to me and I will carry it and take the best care of it because I know she trusts me to love and take care of her!

My family is fighting so hard for the BEST for our two blessings! Eric has opened his heart to Hudson and has been his father from the very beginning and I have opened my heart to Cheyenne and I have been her mother since she was one! No one can take that away from us! We are a family and we are the best for these kids! And I wish others would see that as well. Decisions have been made and paths have been walked and it takes more than just saying you want to be a mom or want to be a dad to actually BE a mom and BE a dad! It's not just a TITLE, it a SELFLESS RESPONSIBILITY that can take ALL of you to give a child the VERY best! It takes more than LOVE, it takes SECURITY, and honestly....MONEY!!! Raising a child is NOT cheap, but you better believe I will starve and be without before my children do! I can't say that for others who try to wear the "daddy" mask/badge and the "mommy" mask/badge!

My family and I have bent over backwards for the "enemy" and we are not being met in the middle! I want to show them the same respect as they show us but I know in the end a rainbow always shines after the rain! Its hard but this hard road has given me the greatest gift! A family that has surrounded me, my husband, and my children! They have been with us every step of the way and have given selflessly endless times! And for that I am FOREVER grateful!

I love this song by John Mayer called The Heart of Life is Good. And it helps remind me that even though there are down times, love always prevails! And my family and our love has always prevailed!
The Lyrics are:

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good 

And Even though I have been dragged to tears and even though I have felt like given up, I know its true that the Heart of Life is good. I know that God has given us these trials for a reason. We do not know what his purpose is or the lesson he wants us to learn, but our trust in him that everything will be okay...that's what makes this all "do-able"!

I will close with one of my favorite Bible verses that has really strengthened me through everything. I come back to this verse and I study it, and I hold it close to my heart because I know that through faith and trust, God will give us our heart desires and good will always beat evil!
                                                                                                                              1 Peter 1:7

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.